The New Road: What's up?

April 29, 2003

What's up?

We were in the car on the way to lunch yesterday when Four Non-Blondes "What's up?" came on. I consider this the worst song ever. The others in the car disagreed. Judge for yourself.

25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

Great big hill of hope? I've heard of a lot of things, but hope? It's not just a hill. It's a great big hill. Mountain? No. Great big hill? Yes.

Just read that out loud: "Great big hill of hope". Can I stop right here? Is this the worst song ever, aleady? Yep. But it gets worse!

I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this
Brotherhood of man
For whatever that means

I realize quickly that this song means... nothing. Or whatever that means. I don't know what "Brotherhood of man" means either, but I'm not putting it in a song, am I? If people could get away with that the Laverne and Shirley song would go, "Schlamel Schlamazel. Whatever that means." Bush gets up to the podium, "The Iraqi people want freedom. Whatever that means."

So I cry somethimes when I'm lying in bed
To get it all out what's in my head

That must not take long. I love that sentence construction. Reminds me of "To boldy go where no man has gone before". To the worst lyrics ever. Sung by the worst vocalist ever. No, wait, that's Bob Dylan. Ahh, the Four Non Blondes Bob Dylan tour, now that would be a crap fest.

Then I start feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step
Outside I take deep breath
I get real high

Mmm, drug references, nothing makes a song popular like a good drug reference. Boston. Pink Floyd. Cheech and Chong. And Four Non-Blondes.

Then I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin' on
And I say hey...
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
I said hey what's goin' on

I would hate to be her neighbour. In so many ways.

And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
In this institution

Institution? Where did that come from? Is she trying to be Pat Benatar from the Get Nervous album? One moment shes toking on Billy Bong Thorton. The next, the nuttery.

And I pray, oh my God do I pray I pray every single day For a revolution

This is my favorite line in this song because it is just so... out of nowhere. Here she is, getting the solid buzz on, in a psycho-ward, and she... wants a revolution?

This line is in there because this performer wants the big stadium line so that she can hold out the mike to the crowd in the video and get the 'For a revolution' chant.

Crap, crap, crap, and then the song mercifully ends

See, worst song ever.

Posted by jherr at April 29, 2003 07:40 AM

Comments

That's who sings that piece of crap song. Yes, whomever that is ranks up there with Bob Dylan, Jewel, Sheryl Crow and Shakira as horrible singers with lyrics that mean nothing to anyone other than them.

On the topic of lyrics, is there some compendium out there that gives the story behind the story? Kind of like the Storytellers? We were watching the top heavy metal bands of all time (according to VH-1 or Mtv, I forget) and of course, Led Zeppelin was #1. Now them and Jimi had some great music, but what the hell are they saying sometimes and what the hell did it mean to them when they wrote it? is there such a thing?

Posted by: missy at April 30, 2003 07:17 AM

I'm actually stuck trying to find a song that is legitimately worse than this. I can't rank techno in there because the lyrics are meaningless.

Maybe Alanis Morrissette? Or Madonna? Or some white rapper?

Posted by: jack at April 30, 2003 03:17 PM

Clearly, you have never heard Leonard Nimoy sing
"The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"

I believe the worst song ever recorded was William Shatner singing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"

It made my ears blead.

http://www.counterpoint-music.com/specialties/spacedout.html

Posted by: nobody at May 27, 2003 01:46 PM

Well,you're all so fucking stupid,and i am sorry,but i understand this song :) very good

Posted by: jeronimo at November 28, 2003 02:02 AM

would hate to be her neighbour. In so many ways.
And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
In this institution
Institution? Where did that come from? Is she trying to be Pat Benatar from the Get Nervous album? One moment shes toking on Billy Bong Thorton. The next, the nuttery.
And I pray, oh my God do I pray I pray every single day For a revolution
This is my favorite line in this song because it is just so... out of nowhere. Here she is, getting the solid buzz on, in a psycho-ward, and she... wants a revolution

The institution shes talking about is our society and thats why she wants a revolution.

Posted by: Nick at December 24, 2003 11:39 AM

Yeah, that makes it all better. After this tasty insight I now see the error of my ways. This is a masterful piece of song writing from a performer at the peak of her intellectual prowess.

Posted by: Jack Herrington at December 24, 2003 11:15 PM