The New Road

Rambly Rambly Rumsfeld

I just love Rumsfeld ramblings. Check this one out. Lemme see:

"I think it is interesting that we haven't heard from him in a year, close to a year," he said. "I don't know what it means. I suspect that in any event if he's alive and functioning that he's probably spending a major fraction of his time trying to avoid being caught.

It's the vagueness that I love. The complete lack of any factual information. Major fraction. What is that? 2/3? 3/4? 1/2? Does it even matter. Does it reassure anyone?

I feel much safer now that I know that Osama is spending a fraction of his time not getting caught.

"I have trouble believing that he's able to operate sufficiently to be in a position of major command over a worldwide al Qaeda operation, but I could be wrong. We just don't know."

This is a classic. Here are some ideas. They could all wrong. Nobody knows. He sure as hell doesn't know. Because, well, nobody knows. Who knows who knows. Nobody.

Earlier, Rumsfeld said he had authorized a reduction of U.S. troops in Afghanistan, where bin Laden is believed to be hiding, from 19,000 to 16,000, largely because of an increase in NATO troops there.

Oh, so I see, we get a fact. That we are pulling out troops. Pulling out troops from the one place where all Americans want them to be.

Now it all makes sense, Osama is spending a major fraction of his time not getting caught by troops that aren't there.

The secretary did not appear concerned about an increase in activity by Taliban fighters along the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.

Because they are just, like, the people who actually attacked us on 9/11. They aren't important at all.

"The levels of violence and incidents fluctuate over the past several years," he said.

"They tend to go up over key political periods. They tend to go up prior to the beginning of winter. And they tend to go up after the winter period ends. They also tend to go up as a result coalition activity against them."

This is the part that I love the best. It fluctuates. But if you follow his logic (if you can call it that) it just goes up and up. It fluctuates, going up during political periods, going up before winter, going up after winter, and going up after we attack them. In fact, well, it never goes down. Heh. Heh. Who knows?

Can you imagine what he must be like in White House meetings; "Rummy, should we attack?"

"Who knows? Maybe we should. Maybe we shouldn't. Who can say. There are just some things we don't know. And there are things that we don't know that we don't know. And other things that they know, that we don't know that they know."

"Thanks. Yer doin' a heckuva job!"