5 years ago today my mother died. Sometimes I still miss her so much I hold my breath, and tear up. This usually happens when I rocking Megan to sleep and I realize she'll never know my mother. Mom was a great Grandma to Sam and Kelly, my sister's daughters. But the rest of us didn't get our act together and start reproducing until after she died. She would have loved the baby boom. Since her death we've gone from 2 to 11.

Sometimes when I want to feel close to her I'll go in to my closet and smell her perfume. My sister Robin gave me a bottle of it a few years back. Shalimar was mom's scent. She wore it so much that it always lingered on her and in her bedroom. Other times I settle for a trip to the closest Hallmark Store. They all feel like her. She would have loved some of the ornaments this year.

I miss you mom. I grieve that Megan won't know her grandma. I miss your hugs, our talks, and your laugh. Today is just my day to feel Melancholy.