I have this family member, someone who I love, and looked upto as a child. Now that I'm older, I think more of us a equals. But I think it must be hard for someone who considered themselves the adult to go and consider that person as an equal and a friend.

So I've been trying for a few years to be friends with this person. Mostly, in honesty because of my mom, who said as she laid dying that she worried for her family, that we didn't all get along. So when an opening came, I took the chance and got sucked in.

For it turns out it was like opening Pandora's Box. At first everyone behaves and you think this isn't that bad, what was I afraid of. But then little by little you start to realize that your not happy, you've let someone in who now feels like they can change you or control you. Come Christmas Eve and I get an email from this person telling me ...

" thanks for reminding me of how mom cherished Christmas - remember 21 boxes of ornaments and four trees? You know, before ... before mom died. She cried for you and hoped that you would see her in heaven. I hope you will at least consider her hope and love for you. What she actually said was
"I hope Jesus will accept Lori back". I told her that Jesus always has opens arms for those who love Him. She was really worried about your lack of faith." ( I took out bits that identified this person, though anyone in the family knows who this is)...

Any way I was irate. I was actually violently ill in response to this - how dare this person think for a moment they had the right to dangle my mothers wishes for me over me. I responded very angrily and used words I didn't actual feel. I just wanted to hurt as much as this hurt me.

The truth is that after years of study, and contemplation I gave up religion and became an atheist. Well I was agnostic at first, but the last few years I gave up that title. I have no doubts in my decision, science is my truth. That's not to say I think Jesus never existed. He was a teacher and a prophet, just someone I choose not to follow. The thing is though, I admit I could be wrong. I don't think so but I also don't think there is only one path. I believe this more passionately then any thing else, that everyone must follow their own path - what ever feels right to them and I would never stand in anyones way. But in this email I did tell this person to never bring up their faith with me. When in reality I don't care if someone wants to bring up their faith with me. I have lots of friends and family of different faiths, and have no issue with any of them. I can honestly say I've never tried to convert anyone to atheism. Religion is a personal road for everyone. If you ask me questions about why I choose to believe or not then I may choose to share, but that's it.

The funny thing is though - I find with most people, they don't ask they just assume that I'd be put out by their faith. When really I usually don't think about it. I just hope everyone is happy and if their faith makes them happy then more power to them. ...

So where am I going with this ramble..Well I guess I'm looking for the respect I try to give. I'm not looking to convert you or subvert your faith because i appreciate that its yours and yours alone. I just ask that you don't try to convert me.

So where do I stand with this family member. Well being their friend is exhausting, and I'm pretty much done trying that. And it sounds like from all thats been said they feel being my friend is exhausting too. So we cut the close ties. And I'm sad about that. But in the end its probably be for the best. We'll always be connected through family. But who says you have to be best friends with all your family. I'll always strive to accept people for who they are and be there for family when they need me. But I no longer feel I should try have to foster unhealthy connections just because I feel some sense of responsibility.

Anyway - Peace out 2007 you've been a very trying year. I'm looking forward to 2008!